Coffee Date

So Jamie at The Perpetual Page Turner had this post that I really liked titled If We Were Having Coffee..

She came up with the idea from Ashely at Your Super Awesome Life and I have to say that I really loved reading it.  I will be posting from time to time an if we were having coffee post just to let you all know what is going on in my life at the moment.

It's been over a year since I last did one of these and thought that it's been quite overdue. 

If we were having coffee...

I'd tell you that 2014 was full of ups and downs for me. We continued to try to conceive a baby and found out that IVF is our only option. IVF is incredibly expensive and we have been slowly saving. I am not going to lie, we are going to be shameless and fundraise. I don't know if this is considered tacky but if it gets me my dream then I'm willing to give it a go. We also had a few deaths in my husband's family. His younger cousin tragically died in August in a motorcycle accident. He was only 24 and it was quite a shock to all of us. Shortly after that, his grandfather went into the hospital and never made it home. To top this off, we found out my niece was not actually my brother's child. It is an extremely weird thing to be an aunt and then to not be an aunt. I have loved that little girl like you wouldn't believe since before she came into the world 2 years ago. There were a lot of legal things that went on and in the end my brother is now not involved with her. It was pretty unnerving but it's been since the end of September and slowly we are all healing. It's remarkable what people can go through and come out the other side. I keep thinking that while it doesn't make it easier in the moment, I know that I will be better for all of this. Don't get me wrong I'm not a very zen person and do my fair share of bitching and moaning but I am trying to learn how to enjoy the little moments a lot more. 

If we were having coffee... 

I'd tell you that my husband and I have been enjoying simple date nights again. What better way to enjoy each other's company than with a little Harry Potter movie marathon. For the last two weeks and into the next coming weeks, one weekend night is devoted to snuggling on the couch by the fire with some Kernels popcorn and watching one Harry Potter movie. I love introducing people to Hogwarts and I haven't seen the movies in ages. It's fun seeing the cast when they were so little. I mean look at Daniel Radcliffe now. It's also nice that we don't have to go out and spend a tonne of money to spend time together. 

If we were having coffee... 

I'd tell you that I have been struggling with friendships in my 30s. It's not that I don't have any friends or that I don't feel like I have enough. I would say that I have 3 main group of friends- my old high school girls, my husband's high school buddies (we went to the same high school but were in different groups) and my bookish peeps. When I was growing up I had a BFF. She was the bestest of friends and we spent so much time together. Probably too much time but at the time we didn't care. When I moved to Ottawa with only a year and half left of school left, we slowly drifted apart. This is one of the things I regret the most- losing touch with her- but it happens. Then I got a pretty close group of friends when I moved up here. As the years went on I found myself withdrawing at times because of my struggle with depression. And now that I am in the 30s everyone seems to have children which takes up a lot of time. That being said, I feel like I don't have a BFF, a good girlfriend that I can confide in. I feel like as you get older, friendships change and it's hard sometimes to come to terms with this. I find myself getting irrationally jealous of certain relationships that form around me. In turn, I feel insecure. As if there was something wrong with me for not being able to maintain something like this. Rationally I know that it doesn't mean my friends love me any less or that I'm any less valuable. It's just funny how these little nagging feelings can keep popping up. My bookish people, though many are much younger than me, are people that I truly enjoy spending time with. Having a shared passion for something can really bring people together. 

If we were having coffee... 

I'd tell you that I got a FitBit from my husband as a delayed Christmas gift. I am loving it. It's only been a week but it's definitely motivated me to get my ass outta the nice warm house and into some sub-arctic temperations. (Sidenote- WTF Mother Nature?!? What kind of sorcery is this -43 degree weather on a daily basis? My students need their outdoor recess so please figure out your shit. End rant.) I've been walking a lot more to try to get my goal of 10,000 steps each day. Last week I tipped the scales at 201 lbs. I HATE that I have let myself get to this weight and I want to do something about it. Since getting the FitBit I've lost 3 lbs so it's coming along slowly but surely. In high school was known as the skinny girl. I was 110 lbs (obviously not a healthy weight for a girl at 5'6) and so to me it's weird to be this big. I've never thought of myself as the big girl but it's getting to be that way. So,  I am making a change. If I know any of you and you have a FitBit let me know. I'd love to add you as a friend to help keep each other motivated. I need lots of prompting and support so I'm hoping this will keep me accountable. 

Well that's it's for now. I hope it wasn't too depressing. I have to admit that this time of year has always been a difficult one. It's when I seem to get my blahs the most and I need to remember to stay positive. I'd love to hear from you so don't forget to comment. 

Happy Reading!